Knock Knock

How to make him yours
I am the cliche of a man

Here is my first tip (of many) on how to make him yours, irrevocably yours. Even if you break up, he will never ever forget you.

I’ve been in many relationships, long and short. I’ve dated young guys and really old dudes, so over the years I’ve learned what works, and what doesn’t. All my exes are still in touch with me and they often tell me how much they miss me. Of course, they don’t miss Me; I’m not some delusional ditz that thinks they actually miss my manic-depressive, psychotic persona. They don’t miss me, the miss my doggystyle.

The women after me had never made them kneel over the living-room table, made them rest their upper body over the top and made them spread their legs. That’s not the only thing they’d had to spread, “Put your hands back here and spread your cheeks,” I had instructed them. Then I had sodomized them and then I had milked their dangling penises like an udder. I don’t get a big ego from their adoration, they are my exes so they are obviously idiots, but when the next “true love” comes along. I will hook him just the same.

Naturally, this is not manipulation, it isn’t deception either; by the time I am done with my back-door advance tactics, these men want to be anally stimulated.
There was Sean, 6′2, 28, Banker, Oxford, grew up in South Africa. He was as much Wall street-Prick as you can get. “I don’t stand in line…Where is the waitress…I’m at the pub with Scott and Johnny…Let’s take a car,” were his favorite phrases.

After 2 weeks, I had Bank Boy prancing around the loft in black patent leather pumps with 6-inch studded heels. When we’d lay in bed he’d cuddle me for a while then turn around for reverse-spooning, shaking his firm butt from side to side, like Marilyn Monroe in Some Like It Hot. My little bitch.

OK, how did I get him there? By sucking his cock like a pro and easing him into having something shoved in his ass. That’s the outline, here are the details. After dating for about two months and putting him through all kind of mental and physical hardship, I slowly ventured to his netherregions and give him a blow job. This first one is a regular mouth-up-and-down the shaft, three quarters of the way. Little to no tongue action. This gradually advances after every second blow-job. After a while I am at full coverage with deep-throating and minor ball-licking.

This is where the fun begins, I’ve desensitized him to having my head between his legs, I am allowed to freely tongue his balls. While I hold his shaft and lick his testicles, I slightly lift his penis and expose the frenulum (the part between end of balls and butt hole). But I keep licking his balls just like before, no sudden moves! Then I get a bit more animated, I can feel the thrill of the kill and it is definitely turning me on. He is enjoying it, he spread his legs wider.

I slowly inch down past his balls and lick the frenulum. Delicately I press my lips onto the slight mound. I get it nice and wet, knowing that my juice will drip down to the entrance of his dark cave. I, myself, am rhythmically breathing and licking myself into a frenzy. He can sense that. They can sense when you really like what they’ve got dangling between their legs.

It’s time to go in for the kill before he comes to his full senses. I trail the tongue to his hole, I lick over it, nothing intimidating. Back down past it, when I come back up the next time, I linger with my tongue. Chilling, just chilling…Don’t pay any attention to me, look, I’m still stroking your penis. Then I circle it around his ass hole with slight pressure, sending his sphincter into a few convulsions.

He should be quietly, reluctantly moaning. They get really shy when they realize that they are enjoying the feeling of having their assholes played with. A minute later they go from shy to self-doubt when they realize that they wish you’d stick your tongue in their ass. Bingo! Slip the tip of the tongue in the ass and leave it there for 5 seconds without moving until the sphincter can get used to the sensation. Basically, you’re in. If he tastes nice an fresh you should go to town on his rear cunt. Eat it out and suck it!

The next time it’s a spit-lubed finger in their ass, then a slim candle or any other small foreign object, then a dildo and eventually a magnum, black, mandingo strapon. It is always my goal to screw them with my strap-on. To pound them into the mattress – face down ass up. They whimper and moan, they back their ass up into me like a BET video hoe.

I push their heads down, dig my thumbs into the dimples above their ass, grab one shoulder and plow into them. I slap their ass cheeks while I pound them, grab them, dig my fingers into their buttock flesh….

Sounds familiar? Yeah, I got my skills from “all the men I’ve loved before” and pornhub.com. Who knew, those evolutionary fuck-ups would be good for something. I’m a cliche of a man!

NEXT WEEK: How to make him clean the kitchen and pee standing up.